1 am shock alert. I'm a little bit conflicted...yes, what else is new? So, I ride the grand Metropolitan Transit Authority relatively frequent now as I commute to the city for work. What kind? You know, no specifics. However, what amazes me and conflicts me all the same is the nature of human nature. It's interesting when your able to step outside of the shell of being and observe this. Really. You see every kind. The wealthy, rich, middle-class, poor, etc. and these dynamics mesh to create a metropolis of variation. Just observe the idea that we harbor of our own unique natures (me included), by stressing this through the multi-color ipod airplugs. green, purple, pink, blue, classic white. we whip out the iphones and blackberrys or as they have come to be known as the crackberry's, little leashes by which an employer may have access to you at all times. we yearn to show we have style over fadish fashion statements...often time failing at some point because we end up replicating someone or another (it's Ok! My mama loved to always say "there is nothing new under the sun" in other words, we really aren't THAT unique because chances are it has already been done before). We loathe at the opportunities afforded to others so easily because we seem to constantly work our asses off to achieve a fraction of the momentum (...or perhaps that's me hmm :-x). We strive to thrive on a revolutionary level. we strive to be something of greatness at least enough time to get noticed, hence the continuous overstated emphasis of "carpe diem," I vote fore Carpe Momento, to be perfectly frank. What is my point to all this? we Want to set ourselves apart, and yet, we are relative reflections of the the same exact thing. You know the quote...we all know the quote. "Be the change you wish to see" It's a take home point that to be anything more than average, we need to consider precisely the consideration of others. Of recent news, Palestine and Israel are at it in heightened levels. As a Muslimah, I can feel nothing short of hurt for my Muslim brothers and sisters, but as a human and a part of humanity, I can only feel pain for all my people relative to my faith or not. Why do we hate each other so much when at the end of the day we are only hating ourselves? So, my train rides...that's society in amends. It's change. perhaps because we are forced to be in the same confines by the nature of all needing to get where we are going, but we are in it together. Expressed or understated, we make a statement of the human condition by the mere extension of our presence. The honorable Anthony Kennedy once stated at a Stanford forum so perfectly:

"Our best security is in a world of ideas and a world of ideas must be concerned with the human condition."

So, I ask the question: how could we possibly bring about sincere ideas when we suffer at the hands of each other. we love the "self" concept it seems so very much that it's killing our perception of collective reality. I'm attempting to stay positive. You've ever read the classic "The catcher in the rye"? Well, main character Holden Claudfield in his vastly cynical and sarcastic nature, at the end of the day wants nothing more than to save those who couldn't imagine anything beyond their own lives...they were ready and willing to just jump and get it all over with. He would be the catcher waiting and ready to save them. I guess you can say I'm a bit of that optomistic fool. I'm uncertain, understandable sometimes, a little lost, but mostly just aiming for something I'm entirely unsure of at the moment.

Ahh! these are just my rants in this 1 am hour...I'm not even sure if they make sense, but then again. MY blog, sensible or not...subjective nonetheless.

Twelve / Twenty Six / Two Thousand and Eight

I'm sorry. I realized I have not properly introduced myself while yet I have already started my ranting entries. It seems rather interesting at the comfort level I seem to feel knowing the world can read my thoughts. You know, the ones that rack your brain as cast away ideas occasionally. Those little expressions you go "OH!" in the moment, because it comes across to you as genius. Yeah...all those and more. I have established this blog because those thoughts and ideas just seem to love to jump around this head of mines until I finally show them some commitment and just write already. Writing being one of my long time loves, I have failed to show it enough attention. Like reading. I used to do it so frequently as I am sure most have till life catches up or rather we catch up with age and slowly everything else begins to take over. That book that may have taken a couple of really great hours to read now in my case spread out over a course of umm...weeks. But I am getting back. I am falling back in love. I used to want to be a journalist...had it all envisioned. Ahh well this is a step I suppose. "Publish or Parish" goes the saying so what better 21st century start to that than blogging, eh? (no I'm not Canadian, I just rather love the quaint little accent lol). Just note, my introduction really will transcend in the lines of my posts. That is the best way to know me. As seeing is beliving...read the words not from my lips but from my heart in all entries to come. Perhaps you may find repetitiveness, but tis goes human nature at its best. Love it or leave me alone, least you should judge the individual I am. And I do stand as an individual in a pool of collective thought. Until my next engagement...Ciao bella

-a

Twelve / Twenty Five / Two Thousand and Eight'

I’m starting to believe in my purpose every day as the days go by. I realize I can no longer float aimlessly through life and watch life pass me by. A frozen cast away of time in a virtual stand still is not cutting it. I mustn’t attempt but push to act on the best ways and methods to break the mold of stagnant possibility. Life is an adventure, it is a love, it is a passion, it is something to not only aspire to see unfold but to delicately unfold with each show of faith. I am realizing that my faith has been shifting a bit on the scale of balance but I feel the benefit of this awareness is the greatest step to correcting the problem.

I have to constantly wonder what my purpose is because every time I remember I become a reflection of someone else's dedication instead. That cannot be my story. I feel this amazing desire to want to affect change. To Want to be something greater than I’ve been. To build on enterprise on a foundation of beautiful ideas. To equate fairness and justice with realities of true sensibility. I’m sure it can be done, however, my burden of shame holds me back. Productivity needs strong will…do I have it?

-a

Twelve / Twenty Six / Two Thousand and Eight

In the grand scheme of things how do you say no to hope? Today’s thoughts have been running a muck on my internal. What is it that I want? Simple question no doubt, but often the simplest of things turn out to be the most complex contributing factors of stress. Who are we not to become what we’ve always wanted to be? Life is too short to doubt your every step if it means losing out on great opportunities to be something more. I am really beginning to see the connection in this lately. I’ve virtually been going through, I guess, a sort of mid-life crisis. I know I have said this before. It is almost as though I’ve been living vicariously through the lives of my friends. Supporting and congratulating them on their various achievements and milestones in life. But inwardly I find that it only tends to make me feel lonelier. A striving ten steps forward to only fall at least emotionally three steps back. I am giving the likes of my support as I seem to “moonlight” as a motivational speaker, but the amazingly oxymoron like thing is that I fail to support myself enough to move beyond inward doubt. I am starving to be brilliant if there is such a thing. I know I have it in me. I envision myself as successful and thriving in all aspects of life. But there is something, somehow I can’t be honest enough with myself to admit. Hmm...But I haven’t placed a finger on what just yet…

-a